i need my happy back...

so im sitting here watching my kids actin tha fool...  and im wondering how long it will take for us to get back to normal.

everything is still so fresh in our minds; im still making appointments, and all of his specialists are just receiving the news so we're getting all the calls from them, so its almost impossible to not think about it.  and it makes me question everything...  did finny just fall for the 10th time this morning because hes only been walking for a few months, or did he fall because hes already in decline?  is he super cranky just because hes tired, or are his muscles aching because ive let him be too active all day?  is he crying in the middle of the night for me to help him adjust himself because he cant, or because hes just so used to me being there to do it for him?

besides all of the obvious reasons this disease is awful, the constant questioning is the worst.  youre given this diagnosis that is sad and scary and seems almost like your child was given an expiration date and all you can do is sit and wait.  theres no treatment options until they start to decline.  it seems so opposite from everything else in life, normally you would treat a sick person so they dont get worse, and then that treatment would be to prevent death.  muscular dystrophy has no cure. 

i know that there are things being done everyday to help find better treatments and even a cure, so in that way its better that we already know about finny, but since theres absolutely nothing we can do about it right now but think and think and wait, i almost wish we didnt know yet.  that wish is totally selfish and if it came down to it, i would definitely still want to know, its just hard to act like everything is normal, which is exactly what you have to do. 

i guess the things we do know are that we have to watch finny a little more closely so that when he gets tired, we make him rest.  hes not allowed to do any heavy lifting, which shouldnt be a problem for a 1 year old.  and the best exercises for him are aerobic, and swimming, swimming is supposed to be awesome for md patients.  and for myself, i had better get into better shape...  one day finny is going to really need our help, and this chubby mom is not at all confident that she will be able to help in the condition that her body is in. 

ok, now im sad.  so im going to do a little exercise suggested by star bobatoon in her book that im reading, i hate muscular dystrophy.  im going to list 5 things that make me happy.

1:  my great family.
2:  finny hugs & ashey cuddles.
3:  harry potter.
4:  wine & chocolate.
5:  art day with the babies.

feelin a little better now.  so im gonna go start on art day and make some rice krispie treats.  who can be sad when they have a delicious combo of crispy rice and mallows?  no one, thats who.